One of the things I am learning as a young, single
20-something living alone is that life continues to throw uncomfortable,
unexpected moments at us, that will often leave us feeling lonely, vulnerable,
and wondering if we’re good enough. I
had HOPED that these moments would decrease as I got older, but I am only
seeing them increase. (Hopefully it’s
not just me? What’s the common
denominator here? Ha!) Meeting new
people, being forced to work with people who are different from you, exploring
new places, new social situations… these are all moments with lots and LOTS of
awkward potential.
And so to combat the awkwardness, or perhaps my
insecurities, I have often run to one of my favorite defense mechanisms—I judge
new people. It’s not pretty, it’s not
something I want to do… but it’s honest.
I start out looking for the good, sending a smile, praying, “God, let
this person like me/ get along with me/ think I’m good enough.” But the moment said person says something I
don’t agree with or take as offensive, let the games begin! I smile and act cordial, but in my head am
ready to label that person as unkind, a jerk, etc. You cut me off in traffic? Rude!
You correct my Spanish? Arrogant! You dismiss my ideas in a planning
meeting? Let’s not go there.
The problem is that this never leaves me feeling any
better. I feel like crap—now I am
annoyed with myself AND said person.
Labeling someone as bitchy or rude, even when it seems justifiable, does
not make me any less rude or, ahem, bitchy.
The deeper problem is that by jumping to form an opinion, I do not take
time to think about why that person may be acting that way… Did they just receive some bad news? Are they suffering a loss? Are they feeling insecure and wondering if
they are good enough, too?
I am not quite sure where this desire to judge right away
comes from. Is it society’s competitive
nature, or the fact that everything seems to be made into a reality TV show
(where we get to look in and form opinions on others’ lives)? Is just human nature to want to put things
(and other people) into categories? Is
it a religious background, causing me to want to classify people as either “bad”
or “good?”
One of the gorgeous things about being human is that we do
not have to surrender ourselves to the way we are. We can CHOOSE to change. I have made this one of my goals this year—I want
to be more aware of my judgmental thoughts so I can stop them. After all, everyone is fighting a battle and
as Mother Teresa said, “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” (Love me some Mama T…)
I refuse to settle for the way I am right now. It will take practice and patience, and lots
and lots of help from God, but I am going to work on NOT judging new
people. I want to see people for who
they are, and show them grace. I want to
realize that EVERYONE feels a little broken and may be wondering if they’re
good enough and is, Lord forbid, not perfect.
Praying for peace and patience, and a little “si, se puede”
on this journey. Let it begin with me.
No comments:
Post a Comment